It Makes Perfect Sense to Me!!!!

 

cover art by Curt Swan

Action Comics #389 (June 1970), written by Leo Dorfman and Curt Swan, is a product of the then-fading Silver Age of Comics, taking a silly premise and treating that premise seriously.

And I, by golly, am fine with that. I think you can argue that Superman's plan to prevent an alien invasion in this story makes perfect sense in a Comic Book Universe.

What is that plan? Well, Superman announces that he's tired of the superhero business and is going to try his hands at sports. He tries out for baseball, hitting a ball into orbit and otherwise easily showing up the pro players. But a kid manages to strike him out and Superman peevishly throws the ball into orbit as well. He then says that baseball isn't for him and flies away.

He keeps trying other sports, each time knocking a ball or bag into orbit before he apparently gets bored with the sport or is told it is too dangerous to let him participate.

What's going on here? Well, it turns out there's an alien ship in orbit around Earth, getting ready to take atmosphere samples. If the air proves good for the aliens, then they are going to invade.

Superman had secretly filled every item he knocked into orbit with a mutation gas, designed only to affect life from the alien homeworld. All the sports items are now stuck on the end of the ship's probes, so it collects the gas rather than atmosphere samples.

That baseball with which the kid strikes out Superman was full of gas, but has a small rip. Not wanting to take a chance on the gas being harmful to Earth, he tossed that ball away as well.

So the ship flies to the alien homeworld and, when the aliens test the samples, they find out Earth's "atmosphere" would mutate them into horrible monsters. They call off the invasion.

I love Superman's plan. Yes, it is an example of Silver Age goofiness (which I consider a strength to the story), but it really does make sense. I've made a list:

1. Superman would use violence only as a last resort. This is a non-violent solution.

2. He could have threatened the aliens. ("I'm Superman and this is the Justice League. You don't stand a chance.") But the aliens might have a powerful armada and try anyway. Even if they are defeated, people could get hurt.

3. Why didn't he just fill bladders full of the mutation gas and attach them to the ship's probes? Thus saving him from having gone through the whole trying-out-for-sports rigamarole? Well, because... because... SHUT UP! The plan makes perfect sense, I tell you! So just shut up!

Well, maybe it doesn't make complete sense. But the goofy charm of the Silver Age (quickly dying away by the 1970s and probably finished off when Gwen Stacy died in 1973) cannot be denied. This is simply a fun story.

Next week, we'll pay a visit to Ben Bowie and His Mountain Men.