Thursday, September 30, 2010

I built a time machine when I was seven years old.

I really did.

I was reminded of this in a conversation I had the other day about childhood toys. I remember watching episodes of The Time Tunnel when I was a kid and that may have been the inspiration for my own efforts into temporal mechanics.

Anyway, it’s surprisingly easy to build a time machine. You just need a shoe box, some tape, a scissors and a few magic markers or crayons.

You turn the shoe box upside down. Using the box’s lid, you cut out a rectangle of cardboard. You tape this to one end of the box, projecting outwards. This is the Time Ray Projector.

You cut out another rectangle from the lid and draw some controls on it. This is the remote control, for bringing yourself back to the present after you’ve zapped yourself back into the past. Depending on how many controls you draw on it, you may also be able to travel directly to another past or future time period without returning home first.

Draw some more controls on the box. Now you’re done. Using the box controls, program in the time you want to visit. Then step in front of the Time Ray Projector. Zap, you’ve done it. You’ve traveled in time. Use the remote control to get yourself home again. (Safety tip: do NOT lose the remote control while you’re in the past.)

It really is that easy. For the life of me, I don’t know why everyone doesn’t have a time machine. It’s not like it’s that hard to get hold of a shoe box.

Certainly the scientists at the Time Tunnel wasted far too many of our tax dollars building their huge machine:

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